There is a terrible curse that hits you the second you receive your undergraduate diploma. This curse, which has been confirmed by every single one of my alumni friends, will change your views of drinking forever– but let’s be honest, that’s probably a good thing.
The first time your post-grad hangover hits, you will be clutching the sides of the toilet, yearning for your days as a perky 19 year old who would drink until 4am, and wake up with nothing that a grande iced coffee couldn’t fix. Those days are forever gone.
Let’s not be dramatic. I’m not saying you can’t drink after college. I’m just saying it’s necessary to tone it down a little. After all, you’re a semi-adult now!
1. Nothing free is good, especially free shots. Free shots with the bartender is the worst combination.
2. Never drink a 40.
You think it’ll be fine, but it never, ever is.
3. Don’t engage with technology.
4. Don’t forget to eat before you go out.
Don’t be the slightest bit embarrassed if you turn into this girl, shoving food down while trying to get out the door. We’ve all been there. Anyone who hasn’t is lying.
5. Don’t forget to drunk eat.
Not only will drunk eating seem like the best idea in the world after a night out, but it will most likely help ease the pain of your hangover the morning after. If you are taking a cab home, make sure that the driver will hit up a drive thru at 3am. Buy him a burger, he’ll probs thank you.
6. Don’t ever leave alcohol out before you go to bed.
The following morning is going to be rough enough, you don’t need to remind yourself why.
7. Don’t combine alcohol with different alcohol or with food.
By the next morning, your aim is to not wake up thinking: